dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
