You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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