there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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