oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
