dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
