I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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