ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
