I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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