no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
