i was born a porn star she said
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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