I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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