Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
