God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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