If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
