Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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