drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
