Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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