This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had sex on a roof
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
