why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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