After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Actions speak louder than pants.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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