That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So many bounce houses so little time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
