a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
