he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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