Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
