Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
