...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
