too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
