Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
