Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
