omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FUCK WHALES
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
