Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
