I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
