Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
