this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
