I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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