I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
