I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
