New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
