They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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