genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
