I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
