Can i not drive my cunt home
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she smelled like a LAN party
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
