How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
