i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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