I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
