over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
