distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
