She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
