i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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