Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
