but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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