I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
