you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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