im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
