you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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