i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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