i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
