Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize