Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
