Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
