No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
