I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
