I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
