they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
