I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
