i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
