I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
