have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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