Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
