Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
