That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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