I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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