I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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