how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
