I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
