You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
