Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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