Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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