I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's the barista slut.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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