It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
